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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Cute guy = Motivation

I'm paranoid so we're just going to leave him nameless. Or just call him hot guy:3
Well, I've been slipping out of my ana habits lately, yes I'm quite frustrated with myself about it, but there's a bright side! I was house sitting for my Aunt&Uncle one night, and while I was surfing around the pantry for Mac'n Cheese, I found something.. Dare I say it, glorious. I looked up and found two industrial sized bottled of diet pills, two different kinds, too!

It was like an eye opener to me, I grabbed my purse and took a 4th of each bottle, then I stored them in old prescription pill bottles I had lying around. I've been taking two every morning, two in the evening, and sometimes an extra if I'm feeling way too hungry. One's the big green tea ones, oh my goodness they're fabulous! They give you so much energy and you're never hungry! Anywho, my mom and I went shopping and we got a pack of a 3rd kind of diet pills(she has no idea about the other pills) and we're splitting it. So I have a bunch of them:) They're keeping me in check.
Also I've formed a new habit: Purging. I don't really enjoy it, but now if I let my stomach hold ANY food for more than 15 minutes I feel so... fucking gross. I feel fat, ugly, and worst of all, full. So I puke it up.

It feels so great to throw up everything.
Or, I'll just stop eating all together, which I've gotten good at.

I've been keeping a food diary, I don't like what I write down.. But I feel a little better when I write down (purged) after the food I write down. Today is kind of an.. 800 calorie day, I don't like it:/ I want to purge but I feel like it's been in my system long enough that puking wont really do anything. I'll just have to take another pill and do some exercise.

I will not stay a whale forever...
Wish me luck everyone.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

4 Months!

That's my first deadline. My birthday is April 24th, and by the time tax returns come around it'll be about my birthday, which means I'm going clothes shopping. I fucking refuse to let this fat pig stay at a size 17. I want to be to at LEAST an 11 by then. Anyways, I have my trusty rubber band on my wrist ready to go. I could really use your support, loves<3

- Till next time

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Secret #1

I'm disgusted with who I am.

I've been working on Ana on and off for a little while now.
I had done it for a month or so, and at first I didn't notice any change, but once I went back to my old eating/drinking habits I began to feel more grotesque than I'd ever felt. I don't dare tell people I feel the way I do, because all they go off about is how I'm not what I say I am. Of course they'd say that, they're all running around in their size 6 skinny jeans, they have no reason to worry about themselves, as long as they're happy they don't want to deal with anyone 'bringing them down', so they force their false beliefs on my fatass. Well I'm done falling for it. I've been following a very helpful pro Ana blog and now that I'm back on it I'm hoping to see results soon.
I'm on Week # 1. Wish me luck sweethearts<3