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Thursday, August 2, 2012

Cute guy = Motivation

I'm paranoid so we're just going to leave him nameless. Or just call him hot guy:3
Well, I've been slipping out of my ana habits lately, yes I'm quite frustrated with myself about it, but there's a bright side! I was house sitting for my Aunt&Uncle one night, and while I was surfing around the pantry for Mac'n Cheese, I found something.. Dare I say it, glorious. I looked up and found two industrial sized bottled of diet pills, two different kinds, too!

It was like an eye opener to me, I grabbed my purse and took a 4th of each bottle, then I stored them in old prescription pill bottles I had lying around. I've been taking two every morning, two in the evening, and sometimes an extra if I'm feeling way too hungry. One's the big green tea ones, oh my goodness they're fabulous! They give you so much energy and you're never hungry! Anywho, my mom and I went shopping and we got a pack of a 3rd kind of diet pills(she has no idea about the other pills) and we're splitting it. So I have a bunch of them:) They're keeping me in check.
Also I've formed a new habit: Purging. I don't really enjoy it, but now if I let my stomach hold ANY food for more than 15 minutes I feel so... fucking gross. I feel fat, ugly, and worst of all, full. So I puke it up.

It feels so great to throw up everything.
Or, I'll just stop eating all together, which I've gotten good at.

I've been keeping a food diary, I don't like what I write down.. But I feel a little better when I write down (purged) after the food I write down. Today is kind of an.. 800 calorie day, I don't like it:/ I want to purge but I feel like it's been in my system long enough that puking wont really do anything. I'll just have to take another pill and do some exercise.

I will not stay a whale forever...
Wish me luck everyone.

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